Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
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