I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
