I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
