Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Randomize
