Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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