I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
