Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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