I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
