I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Randomize
