We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
