So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
