I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
