I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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