insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
