i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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