I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
