the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
