he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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