I look better un-naked...
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
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