My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
