There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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