Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Randomize
