party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
