is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
