you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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