I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
