I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
