I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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