I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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