I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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