He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
