I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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