he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
