And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
