I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
