he wants to bone in the snuggie
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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