i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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