how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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