it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Rumble strips road head = magical
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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