At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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