I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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