the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
