Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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