I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
