I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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