It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
this beer tastes like vomit already
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
