How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Randomize
