Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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