Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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