Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
