I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
