All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
