Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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