i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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