dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
